Damn you.

Contained in a Facebook friend request: Hello granddaughter, how are you? I love you, your Grandma Norris.

My reply: I am sorry Alice, but we are not going to be friends; not on here or anywhere else. You could say that 'that ship has sailed.' Neither Amanda, or I or my parents wish for you to be in our lives again and it would be easier on you if you would just accept that and move on.

Her Reply: I have moved on but I would think that your conscience would bother you and
Amanda for the lies that you told your Mother about me. After all I did for you AND your Mother over the years. I have a wonderful life with Don and with the Moote kids who love us as we do them. Have a good life (if you can)

My Reply: My conscience is clean and no lies have passed between anyone within this family. I don't have a single good memory of you from my childhood and our lives have all benefited from not having you in it. I am glad that you are happy with Don. Why would you tell me you love me and then insult me and call me a liar less than a day later? Do not contact us again; I will have a good life, we will all have good lives; we can, nothing is holding us back and if you do contact me again I will get very nasty. Good bye.




GET OUT OF MY LIFE! God. I was already having a shitty day.Zack was being an ass hole, my teacher thinks my memoir is crap and didn't even give it to the class to edit for today's session, and then I come home to THIS? I want to strangle her, I want to get her help, I want her to STAY AWAY FROM US. Poison poison poison poison. I am NOT a terrible person. Why does everyone keep SAYING THAT? Jon thinks that I am a terrible, conniving, heartless, soulless bitch and SHE calls me a LIAR. I'm not a bad person, I'm not, I don't mean to be. I may be selfish, I may be vain, I may be ignorant of the world around me, slightly crazy, bossy, messy, immature... but I want to be a good person. Doesn't that count for something? Shouldn't it? I thought I was writing this memoir to help people; but am I really writing it for the attention? I fear that I am writing it for purely selfish reasons; that I am using Jessie. I used Jessie to get what I wanted my senior year of high school. I figured 'hey, i deserve to get something good out of this.' What am I doing? Why am I ranting? I'm tired. This, being put down, insulted, ridiculed, HATED, takes a lot out of me. Takes everything out of me.

The Levis... they hate me. Sometimes I wonder what they would do if I died. Part of me thinks they would throw a God damned party. But I bet they would act the part, comfort him in his time of need, while inside they were whooping with joy and just waiting for him to realize he was better off. I wish we could just come up with some kind of truce. We are adults and yet I am all but banned from where my boyfriend lives. If we even touch in front of them they make some scathing comment. If I am there after midnight they are sure to point out that I am wearing out my welcome as many times as it takes to get me out the door. I think that it, this drama, this hatred, has rotted away a little piece of me, of that optimist I once was, of any hope in the world I have left. It has rotted a bit of it away. Over five long years I have loved him with everything I have, everything I am, I have been there for him when they have not; I have done everything in my power to make his life easier, to make him smile despite his past, his surroundings, his situation, his family; and yet here I am in their eyes, a pariah, a tramp, a con. Worthless. Get rid of her. She's no good for you.

She's no good.

No good.

I'm no good?

No good.

Then what am I?