Body of mine.

Oh body of mine, what have I done to you? Put you through? All in an attempt to shut off my mind for a decent night's sleep. 1 Zyrtec, 2 Tylenol w Codeine, 2 Ambien, 3 Klonopin and 3 Benadryl... How am I still awake? Hell, how I am I still ALIVE after years full of nights of such abuse. It is almost like here I lay, every night, half heartedly trying to kill myself, swallowing mass numbers of pills, wondering what they will do to me, hoping that they will put me to sleep, hoping I wont wake up. Is that what I am doing? I don't want to live anymore, I am no good at it, my life is just stress and money and work and drama and depression and money and stress and it's no life worth living at all. I am a rat scrambling to make its way out of the gutters and into the real world, and the real world, all of those jobs that won't hire me, who turn me down even though I am qualified, they are the feet kicking me back and forth, stepping on me and hurling me into the sewer. I am tired of being a goddamned gutter rat. I can't do it for much longer.