Incapable.

I am defective.

I am weak.

I am self-loathing.

I am incapable.

Tell me that I can do things, go places, be something. Tell me I am not a failure. You believe in me and for a moment I believe in my too. And then this wave hits me and I am once again defective. weak. self-loathing. incapable.

Welbutrin.
Seroquel.
Paxil.
Prozac.
Abilify.
Lamictal.

What combination does it take? How many milligrams? To make me normal. Able to function. Able to beat this, my own mind, my own nature, my own craving to die.

I am nothing.