It was only a matter of time

I've never cut this deep before. So deep that the skin separates around the gash. I have been told that I will have a nasty scar, but my scars have a habit of disappearing pretty quickly when it comes to me. I didn't have much of a choice, I want to end it, I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I feel so stupid knowing that a lot of it is over a stupid man, I feel downright pathetic and I know that I look that way as well. He got over me, he has made that very clear... He got over me and I got left behind. It is my own fault for jumping from relationship to relationship after him... though if I hadn't made myself unavailable would we have gotten back together? Will we ever get back together? False hope, I am full of it, my heart, my mind, my soul... like we belong together or nothing. I know it is bordering on the obsessive. I know it is crazy. I know I sound crazy and I hate it. I know I need to get over him but I can't. I can't even begin to figure out how. I don't even know where to start. I hurt everywhere, there is a gaping hole in my chest, emptiness, nothing. We both want different things, I can't hear that line enough... but really, I just want him, just him. I want to be able to love him the way I want to, I want to kiss him when I want to, hold him, pet his hair, tell him it will all be okay, send him letters when he is in OCS, silly notes meant to make him smile, weather reports, comics, constant "I love you"s. I miss being able to say I love you without things getting dramatic. I miss hearing him say it back. I miss knowing that he was mine, as much as he could belong to anyone. Now he is with her... now she has the right to call him hers. And I have no right at all. I am just the pathetic, heart sick, dramatic, depressed ex. I am nothing.