Stuck in the in between.

I don't want to do it anymore. I want to take all of the pills in my apartment. I want to slash my wrists. I want to bleed out. I want to die, please, please just let me die. I made it easy for everyone, I didn't even bother unpacking all of my things. Easier to move them, store them just like all of Jessie's things that way. God, first I lose Jessie and then I lose Zack. My head, my heart, they can't take it. I can't take it. I used him to make it better. I used him to help fill the hole. I leaned on him. I cried on him. I told him everything. And he helped and he made it easier and he loved me. And then I lost him too. And God I sound so stupid, just another stupid girl crying over another stupid boy. But you all know that I am just... broken. Why are you all keeping me here???? If you loved me, if you understood, you would just let me go.... just let me go. But here I am, stuck here in limbo, hating every day, hating waking up, hating going to sleep, wanting so much to die... I tell everyone that I have taken up the new philosophy that if I ignore it it will just go away... maybe that is because I figure if I ignore it for long enough I will be dead before it comes back around. But that isn't true is it? I don't have that choice! God don't make me be here anymore. Please, can't we rewind and have you take me instead? I wasn't made for this. Please, please just rewind and take me.