Are we really back here? AGAIN?

3 Ambien. 10 Klonopin. No where near testing my limits, no where near as many pills as I need to take to get the job done.

It isn't all because of a boy. It seems that way but really, he is just the catalyst. I really only live for work. I wake up and go to Woodbridge, I get out of work, maybe eat something, climb in bed and go to sleep until I have to be in to work again. Work is the only place I feel happy, maybe because I have just gotten really good at acting my part when I am there?

Zack isn't mine anymore... I fucked that one up huh? I push the kid to move in with me, then break up with him when he says no, then beg him to come back only to get turned down, and then I get into a relationship with the first guy that treats me nice, and when he leaves me I go right to the next one who special... it was only a matter of time before reality caught up to me. And it has. I never got over him, maybe those 2 men were just my way of getting back at him for shunning me when I begged him to come home to me... maybe they were just what everyone thought: rebounds. Either way I am right back where I started. Crying, heart breaking, suicidal, alone, wanting nothing more than him. Have I ever wanted anything as badly as him? Ever? Will I ever again?