Okay.

Feeling better. Feeling stronger. I stand in my apartment, my place, my haven and I feel the strength seeping into me. I am standing on my own again. I am my own again. It feels good. Do I still hope that he will change his mind while he was away and come back into my arms? Hell yes I do. Will I survive if he doesn't? Hell yes I will. I know that I don't have to be alone, I know that if I threw on some girly things and went out to the bar tonight someone would hit on me. That's not ego, I really don't understand it, it's just experience. Maybe sometime soon I will even let one of them pick me up, but now? No. It's still just him. Stupid him. Hah. So careful, so afraid that this is headed somewhere he doesn't want to go, so afraid of titles. Afraid. I was afraid at first, and then he made it all go away. I wonder if I can do the same for him? Either way, I forgot how great, how FANTASTIC it feels to have my own place. No parents, no roommates, just me and my space. That is my bed. That is my bathroom. That is my refrigerator. Those are my clothes. It is all mine, it all belongs to me and only me. And the strength seeps in, will the weakness still catch up with me now and again? I wouldn't be human if it didn't. But I will overcome it, I always do, and I don't, won't, need anyone's help in doing so.